No Control

Never like losing control. I lost control and scared my baby. I felt angry and out of control, couldn’t breathe. Still can’t. I feel like I’m floating outside of my body and that makes me angry. Keeps my breath tight. Extremities are tingly and I’m mad. I want to handle this myself. I want to have control. I want to be independent of chemicals or even any supplement of what I can achieve just through my own heart. My heart is good, my will is strong. My potential is endless but I feel like I can’t just get a grasp on success and how to put that solely in my sights. My baby used to be my only focus, but now we have grown apart as she has grown up so fast. Too fast. It breaks my heart to imagine how many smiles and sillies I have missed trying to pursue success and fulfill my dream of being greater than myself. Different than myself. But, what is truly the question? What is wrong with just being me?

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